Please hold...

Dear Readers,

After careful consideration, I have decided to hit the 'Pause' button on this fiction at Chapter 10 (my latest chapter). I feel that I do not know enough about Super Junior to continue writing this fiction. Hence, I will be taking a short break where I will attempt to finish writing Helpless, one of my running fictions, and to read up on our 13 delightful boys.

I think it is vital for me to do proper research on my characters so that I can continue bringing all of you my best works. So please bear with me for I feel like I'm not writing from my heart when I do not know my characters well enough.

I will be sure to contact you once I start posting from Chapter 11. Please drop me an email if you wish to be notified.

Thank you for your support thus far ^^ Please continue to support my fictions!!!

-Sierra-

Chapter 10

“What’s wrong?” I asked as soon as Han Kyung walked through my door.

He looked tired and somewhat upset.

“I made a fool of myself today,” he grumbled.

“How?” I asked him, and he started to tell me everything.

He’d just come back from filming an episode of the game show, Love Letter.

“Ho Dong hyung wanted me to introduce the game in Chinese, and I flubbed it. I couldn’t remember my Chinese.”

“How?”

“He has this part where he says ‘Chunbi toessoyo?’, and he goes like ‘Chun, chun, chun, chun’ before he says it. I was thinking that the ‘chun’ was just a Korean expression.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t think that the ‘chun’ was part of ‘chunbi’, and I just copied him when I was supposed to say it in Chinese. And he was like, ‘Say it in Chinese,’, and I told him there wasn’t such an expression in Chinese.”

Just then, I understood what his mistake was and I laughed.

“It’s not funny,” he said. “I was so embarrassed. I realized only after the show that the ‘chun’ was equivalent to the Chinese ‘zhun’ from ‘zhun bei’. Dammit!”

“So you could’ve gone like ‘zhun, zhun, zhun, zhun’?” I laughed.

“Yea,” he smiled a little.

“Show me how he did it,” I asked.

“No,”

“Come on,” I said.

“Bu yao,” he said adamantly.

“Lai ba,” I pleaded. “Bie zhe yang…”

“Bu yao…” he whined.

“Lai ba…” I pleaded again, and he gave a loud sigh.

“Chun, chun, chun, chun, chunbi toessoyo…” he went, and I fell off the bed laughing hysterically.

“Tian ya…” I exclaimed. “It’s so funny…”

“Sure… laugh at me,” he said, trying to look upset, but his lips were twitching as he tried to control his laughter.

“When will this episode be broadcasted?” I asked him. “I must watch it.”

“I’m not telling you,” he said.

“Then I’ll ask Hee Chul. He was with you, wasn’t he?” I smirked.

“Don’t ask him!” he exclaimed.

“I’m gonna ask him,” I said in a sing-song voice.

“If you ask him, wo bu hui fang guo ni,” he said in a serious tone.

“What are you gonna do to me?” I said as I planted my hands on my hips.

“This,” he said, and he rushed at me and tackled me onto my bed.

“Yah… shen jing bing!” I yelled as I giggled.

“Shi de. Wo you mao bing,” he laughed, and he kissed me lightly on the lips.

“Don’t kiss me! I don’t want to be infected.”

“You already are,” he said, and he gave an evil laugh.

“You really are sick,” I smiled.

“And it’s all your fault,” he said, and he buried his face in my neck.

“Ni zai gan ma?” I giggled as he nuzzled my neck.

“I’m gonna eat you up, chi diao ni,” he murmured.

“Aaah,” I squealed. “Bu yao…” I giggled.

“Ni mei xuan ze,” he said in his mock-sinister tone.

I sighed with pleasure, as he continued doing what he did. Times like this made all our secrecy feel that it was worth it. But there were times when the secrecy made things hard to bear.

We were training the next day, when Hee Chul made a remark to Han Kyung.

“Ya… how about that Ayumi, I think she likes you,” he said as he patted Han Kyung on the back.
“It was just for the benefit of the show,” Han Kyung replied nervously, since I was around.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Han Kyung got real cosy with Ayumi during the recording yesterday,” Hee Chul said.

“Shuddup Hee Chul,” Han Kyung said, his face turning red.

“What?” Hee Chul said, looking confused.

We’d still not told any of the guys about us. I guess it’s understandable for Hee Chul to tease Han Kyung about yesterday’s recording, but it made me wonder how close Han Kyung had gotten to Ayumi.

“There’s nothing between us,” Han Kyung said, probably for my benefit.

“But she chose you twice. Didn’t she choose you during the last recording of Love Letter as well.”

“There was no one else, I guess,” he said.

“Ya… don’t be coy now,” Hee Chul teased.

“Hyung, stop it,” Si Won cut in.

“Huh?” Hee Chul exclaimed, puzzled that now Si Won was also involved in the conversation.

“Keumanhae,” Si Won said.

“What’s with you guys today?” Hee Chul huffed, and he walked off.

Si Won looked back and forth between Han Kyung and I, sighed, and walked off.

“You’ve got some explaining to do later,” I said softly so that only Han Kyung could hear, and I too walked off.

We were training for the routine for Miracle. In huge contrast to the hard beats of TWINS, Miracle was a light and fluffy song, and the guys had lots of fun dancing to it. It was scheduled for release late 2005, and they had to juggle promoting Show Me Your Love while preparing for the release of this new MV.

During our break, Han Kyung caught up with me as I was on my way to the toilet.

“Sierra,” he said as he grabbed me by the arm.

“What?” I said, and I pulled my arm away. “Don’t do that,” I hissed. “Someone will see.”

“I don’t care,” he said as he grabbed both my arms this time, and pulled me close.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked him as I tried to free myself from his grasp.

“You have to believe me. There’s nothing going on between Ayumi and me,” he said.

“I didn’t say I didn’t believe you.”

“Then what’s up with the ‘You’ve got some explaining to do.’ statement?” he said.

“I just wanted to know exactly what happened; what was so juicy about the whole recording that Hee Chul got so excited.”

“Then don’t talk like that,” he said.

“Talk like what?”

“Like you doubt me.”

“Ni xiang tai duo le,” I said.

“You’re making this hard for me,” he said.

“How am I doing that? I’m not doing anything but waiting for you each night. What else am I doing?”

“You’re driving me mad. This is driving me mad. I’m going to tell the guys about us. I can’t hide it anymore,” he said.

He released me and started walking back to the studio.

“Don’t, Han Kyung,” I said as I chased after him.

Damn his long legs. He just had to walk briskly and I had to run to catch up. He burst into the studio room, stunning everyone in it, and by the time I ran up next to him, he’d said what he shouldn’t have.

“Sierra and I are dating,” he announced to the whole room.

“Han Kyung, are you crazy? Don’t listen to him,” I told the guys.

“Chintcha! We’re dating,” he said.

“Are you trying to get me killed?” I asked him. “You must hate me, don’t you?”

“What are you talking about? I’m not trying to get you killed. I just want us to stop pretending.”
“What’s there to pretend when there is nothing between us in the first place?” I tried to lie convincingly to try and salvage the situation.

“Stop it, Sierra. Stop talking like that,” he said.

“Erm, hyung…” Si Won said, as he tapped on Han Kyung shoulder.

“What?” we both yelled together, startling Si Won.

Only then did I notice that the guys were staring at us, their lips twitching as if trying to control their laughter. Was the scene that Han Kyung and I just made so funny?


Chinese Notes:

Zhun bei.
Get ready.

Lai ba…
Come on…

Tian ya…
Gawd… (God…)

Bie zhe yang…
Don’t be like that…

Wo bu hui fang guo ni.
I won’t let you off.

Shen jing bing.
Crazy.

Shi de. Wo you mao bing.
Yes, that's right. I have a disease / I’m sick

Ni zai gan ma?
What are you doing?

Chi diao ni.
(I'll) Eat you up.

Ni mei xuan ze.
You have no choice.

Ni xiang tai duo le.
You think too much.

Chapter 9

“Nuna,” Kang In called out to me.

“What?”

“How do you do that turn and that arm movement again?”

“You’re doing it already. You just got the timing wrong. Move forward on 1, turn on two, arms out and move it like this, 3 and 4,” I counted as I demonstrated.

“Oh… I see,” he smiled, and he repeated that part of the routine for me, perfectly.

“Hey guys… get on the set,” Shin Dong yelled.

We were filming the MV for ‘Show Me Your Love’ today. ‘Show Me Your Love’ was the title track for Super Junior’s collaboration with TVXQ, their label mate and currently the top band in Korea. This was the first time I had the chance to meet TVXQ. In the past, we’d bumped into each other when I traveled around with Super Junior, but this time, I was properly introduced.

“Nuna,” Dong Hae said, “This is Yun Ho, Yoo Chun, Jun Su, Chang Min and Jae Joong.”

“Annyeong,” Yun Ho smiled.

“Annyeong,” I said.

“You guys have to call her nuna,” Dong Hae said.

“You’re older than us?” Yoo Chun said. “You don’t look like you are.”

“Komawo,” I smiled.

“Yah… Yoo Chun…” Jun Su exclaimed. “Don’t start putting your charms on her. You’re such a flirt.”

“I’m just being friendly,” Yoo Chun defended himself.

“Yea… right,” Jun Su teased.

“I am!” Yoo Chun insisted.

“It’s alright,” I laughed. “I get that from the guys every day.”

“I can imagine your frustration,” Yun Ho laughed.

“Where are you from, nuna?” Chang Min asked me.

“I’m Malaysian.”

“Oh!! Chintchayo?” Chang Min exclaimed.

“I heard we might have a concert tour there next year,” Jae Joong said.

“That’s nice,” I smiled.

“It’s still not confirmed. We’ll need to hear the final word from the management before we can say for sure,” Jae Joong added.

“I want to go traveling,” Jun Su said.

“Is the weather in Malaysia as hot as in Korea during the summer?” Yun Ho asked me.

“It’s hot all year round in Malaysia,” I said.

“That’s nice,” Jun Su said. “I wanna go to the beach when I get there.”

“It really depends on which city you’re going to. You’ll be far from the beach if you’re in Kuala Lumpur, the capital city.”

“Really? Aww…” Jun Su said.

I watched from afar as the guys sang and danced for the camera. We’d done the outdoor filming for the video last week. This week was the indoor setting, mainly for the introduction of the song. During one of their short breaks where the director was directing Hee Chul on what he had to do, I caught Han Kyung looking at me. I glared at him and mouthed for him to stop, because he was blatantly staring, and someone might notice. He just smiled and winked, and I had to laugh. I couldn’t get upset with him when he was being adorable. Up till now, only Si Won knew about us, and we did not intend to tell the rest yet. I wondered if they’d caught on by now. If they had, they’re putting on a good show, pretending not to know.

Once, while we were mapping out some choreography together, Shin Dong asked me some probing questions.

“Nuna,” he said. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Huh? Why do you ask?” I looked at him, puzzled.

“I just wonder what you do each day when you get home, especially when you’re not with us. Don’t you get bored?”

“No,” I smiled. “You guys put enough on my mind to entertain me until I go to bed.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said. “I’m sure you bring some guy home every night,” he teased.

“Do I look like that sort of girl to you?” I said as I planted my hands on my hips.

“But don’t you get lonely?”

“I have 12 good looking guys whom I see each day,” I laughed. “Why would I be lonely?”

“Have you dated before, nuna? You’re seriously scaring me. You really don’t have a life besides us?”

“I dated a long time ago… and I haven’t gotten over him,” I smiled. I was telling the truth. I was so not over Han Kyung yet.

Han Kyung had been coming over to my place whenever he could, since the day of our ‘reunion’. We’d eat together, talk, watch the television and once or twice, we went out to watch a movie. Since his debut, we limited our activities to the walls of my apartment. We didn’t even dare to drop by the nearby convenience stores or ramen shops, together, in case someone spotted him. Then there was the fear of him being trailed by fans.

“I can’t stand this,” he said, one day. “I’m sick of us hiding.”

“You’ve just debuted. We can’t just walk out of here hand in hand. Do you want me dead?”

“Do I even have that many fans? Let alone crazy fans.”

“You know better than me,” I said, and he sighed.

“How long do we need to keep this up?” he said.

“Until the time is right,” I said, and I reach out my hand to stroke his cheek. “Bu yao zhe yang,” I said softly.

“You think I want to be?” he said as he pulled me into his arms to hug me tightly.

“Wo zhi dao…” I said as I tightened my arms around his waist and rested my head against his chest. “Let’s not think about it. The most important thing is that we are together.”

“I guess,” he sighed. “Wo ai ni,” he said, as he kissed the top of my head.

“Ai si ni,” I said, as I looked up and smiled at him, and he smiled back.

I pulled him down until his lips were just a millimeter away. His lips were slightly parted, and I could feel his breath against my lips. I licked his lips lightly, with the tip of my tongue, and then I kissed him for real.

“You’re really improving,” he said, as he breathed a little heavier than normal.

We’d been kissing like crazy for the past few minutes. For some reason, I felt like being wild and passionate, and he’d reciprocated in whatever manner I’d initiated.

“We’re not 18 or 19 anymore,” I smiled. “You still want those innocent little kisses?”

“It’s nice sometimes, but I definitely don’t mind this new style we have,” he grinned as his hands caressed my hips lightly.

“Watch where you put your hands,” I warned him, as I giggled.

“I know where I’m putting them,” he said softly.

“Pyeont’ae,” I said.

“Who taught you that?” he asked me.

“It’s an essential word to learn. I didn’t need anyone to teach me.”

“It must’ve been Kang In or Hee Chul,” he laughed.

“Whatever you say,” I sighed, as his hands continued to move across my thighs, and back up till my waist.

“You like that?” he asked, as his lips came to nibble my neck lightly.

“Nomu choa,” I replied.

“You drive me crazy when you speak Korean,” he murmured against my neck.

“Then would you prefer to date a Korean girl?” I asked him.

“I want a Chinese girl who speaks Korean,” he replied as he continued working his magic on me.

“Then you’ve got what you wanted,” I smiled.

Chinese Notes:

Bu yao zhe yang.
Don’t be like that.

Wo zhi dao…
I know…

Ai si ni.
(I) love you to death.

Chapter 8

“Erm… Si Won,” Han Kyung mumbled again.

“What’s going on? Did you guys used to know each other or something?” Si Won asked.

I looked at Han Geng, and he looked back at me. Could we trust Si Won to keep the secret?

“It’s complicated,” I told Si Won.

“Try me,” he said, as he folded his arms at his chest.

“Yes, we knew each other. But I had no idea that she'd joined SM until I walked into the studio today,” Han Geng said in one go.

“So you guys used to date?’ Si Won asked. Han Geng and I just nodded.

“Are you gonna tell your manager?” I asked him.

“Of course not,” he smiled. “So are you guys back together now?”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” I asked Si Won.

“Han Kyung has always seemed a little lonely. I can see why now. Turns out he was missing you all along,” he winked.

“Si Won, just tell them that I’ll be out in a moment. Make some excuse for me,” Han Geng said.

“No problem,” and he turned to leave.

“Si Won,” Han Geng called out just before he walked out.

“Wae?” he said as he turned around.

“Can you keep this to yourself for now?”

“Sure,” Si Won replied.

“Sierra and I still have some unfinished discussions. I’ll talk to the other guys once Sierra and I have resolved our problems.”

“Okay,” he said. “Bye Sierra,” he waved before walking out.

“Can we trust Si Won?” I asked Han Geng.

“He’s my closest friend. We can trust him.”

“You should go now, before anyone gets suspicious,” I said.

“I don’t feel like leaving.”

“You must,” I insisted.

“Where are you living? I’ll come see you tonight.”

I dug through my bag for a piece of paper and wrote down my address for him.

“Hmm… I’m not sure exactly where this is,” he laughed.

“It’s about half an hour from here,” I said.

“It’s alright. I’ll ask Si Won or one of the guys,” he said.

“Go now,” I urged him. “I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

“Alright,” he smiled. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said and he kissed my forehead.

“Kuai chu ba,” I said as I pushed him out of the studio.

“Sierra,” he popped his head in at the door just as I turned around to pick up my bag.

“Yes?”

“I love your new hairstyle,” he smiled.

“Really?” I smiled, as I touched my hair consciously.

“Yes,” he said. “I’ve always thought that you’d look hotter with short hair.”

“Thanks.”

“Bye…” he waved, and he disappeared.

When I walked out of the building, I realized that it was still early. I had almost half a day ahead of me. I walked back in and asked the receptionist for directions to the nearest supermarket near my place. After she’d drawn me a map with directions, I walked out and hailed a taxi. Starting from tomorrow, I should probably start using public transportation. I don’t think my salary can support daily taxi rides.

2 hours later, I struggled to open the door of my apartment while holding a few bags of groceries. I stumbled into my apartment with the bags and after dumping them on the kitchen floor, I walked over and collapsed onto my bed. Han Geng hadn’t said if he was coming for dinner. He’d probably have dinner before he came. I should probably stop calling him Han Geng since no one calls him that here.

I was eating my bowl of ramen when my doorbell buzzed. I peered into the peephole and saw that it was Han Kyung.

“Hi,” I smiled as I opened the door.

“Hi,” he smiled back.

“Erm… come in,” I said as I stepped aside so that he could walk in the door.

I couldn’t understand why I was feeling nervous. He was just here to talk, or do whatever. Why did it feel like the first time I saw him, the first time he kissed me, the first time he told me he loved me?

“Nice place,” he said as he looked around.

“Xie xie,” I smiled.

“You’re eating?” he asked as he spotted my bowl on ramen on the counter.

“Yea,” I said. “Sit anywhere,” I laughed nervously. “I’m just gonna finish up and I’ll join you.”

“Man man chi,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”

I ate as fast as I could, washed my bowl and went to sit beside him on the floor in front of my bed. He was sitting on one of the throw pillows on the floor with his back leaning against the foot of my bed.

“Guo lai,” he said as he motioned for me to sit closer.

As I inched over, he put his arm around me and pulled me so close that I was almost sitting on his lap.

“What are you doing?” I said, almost in a whisper.

“What I’ve always done,” he whispered back and he kissed me.

Sometime later, we lay on my bed; my head on his chest and he had one arm around me.

“How’s it gonna be from now on?” I asked him as my hand traced the motive printed on his t-shirt.

“What do you mean?”

“We’re just gonna be quiet about us? And you’re gonna keep coming to visit me like this?”

“I guess,” he sighed.

“I feel like somebody’s mistress,” I laughed.

“When the time is right, we don’t need to hide anymore,” he said.

“You mean when you retire?”

“I won’t wait that long. I plan to start a family within the next 10 years.”

“Good luck finding a wife,” I said.

“I’ve found her,” he said.

“Who?”

“You.”

“You want me to die?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your fans will murder me,” I said.

“No they won’t.”

“Wanna bet?”

“I’ll protect you,” he said.

“And when you’re not there?”

“You’re always gonna be beside me. We’re working together, aren’t we?”

“Hopefully… the industry is ever-changing. I might even be replaced tomorrow if I’m not good enough for SM.”

“You have a 2 year contract. They will keep you for 2 years.”

“And after 2 years?”

“They will decide if they want to extend it or not.”

“Probably not,” I smiled.

“Then you can change your job. You can be my PA or coordinator.”

“We’ll see… you’re asking someone who suffered 5 years in the academy to forget all her dance training and become a PA? You’re crazy.”

“You really love dancing, huh?”

“Sure I do. Otherwise, do you think I’d have survived at the academy?”

“Yea… it figures,” he said, as he played with my hair. “I still can’t get over seeing you after so long.”

“Same here,” I said.

“I missed you,” he said.

“Same here.”

“Is that all you can say?”

“What can I say?”

“Something nicer?”

“Like… ‘You’re so good looking now.’?”

“That could work,” he laughed.

“I didn’t know you were so egoistic,” I laughed.

“Only with you… your approval matters most to me,” he said.

“Why?”

“Ying wei wo ai ni,” he said, matter-of-factly.

I looked into his eyes, and my fingers came to brush his lips, lightly.

“Same here,” I smiled.

I was finally November; November 6th to be exact. We were backstage on the set of Inki Gayo. Tonight will be Super Junior’s debut performance. Sure they have debuted individually in dramas, movies and in Han Kyung’s case, on the runway, but this was their official debut performance as the 12 person band, Super Junior. The guys were a little nervous, most of them practicing their moves and stuff, up till the last minute of time they had before it was their turn to perform.

“Nervous?” I asked Han Kyung.

“Not really.”

“You’re so brave,” I teased.

“Cos you’re here,” he smiled.

“I don’t think me being here helps much,” I said.

“Well… the guys don’t think that way. They think that you’ve helped a lot while Bum Su hyung is not around.”

“Han Kyung!” Ee Teuk called out. It was time for them to get to the stage.

“Jia you,” I smiled as he turned to walk away.

“See you later,” he said and he gave me a little wave.

I watched from the side as they positioned themselves. The intro of TWINS (Knock Out) played, and they started to move. There was an air of superiority and greatness about them on that day, and they gave a smashing performance. From that day onwards, Super Junior became known to Korea, and their popularity just kept soaring.

Chinese Notes:

Kuai chu ba.
Go quickly.

Xie xie.
Thanks.

Man man chi.
Eat slowly. (Take your time to eat.)

Guo lai.
Come here.

Ying wei wo ai ni.
Because I love you.

Jia you.
Go get ‘em. (or equivalent to the Koreans’ p’ait’ing [파이팅])