Chapter 14

“When was this?” I finally said.

“Remember when we broke up back then? And I said that I was seeing someone else,” he said.

“It was Winnie?”

“I thought that you broke up with her before she left. Didn’t you tell me that?” Winnie asked him.

“I bet that it’s all just an honest mistake… that he forgot to tell me,” I said sarcastically.

“I know that we’d break up eventually,” he said. “I knew it the moment you got that scholarship.”

“Then why didn’t you break up with me before I left?”

“I was giving you time to adapt to your new life before breaking up with you. I didn’t want you to get upset and disrupt your training.”

“Are you giving me a reason, or just making an excuse for yourself?”

“Sierra…” he said in a tone I remembered far too well. It was his way of showing that his patience was wearing thin.

“It’s nice seeing you Winnie,” I said. “Write me an email after you’ve dumped this sorry excuse for a man.”

As I turned around I saw a familiar figure… Hee Chul. He walked up to me, taking long strides with each step and when he reached me, he put his arm around me.

“Let’s go,” he said, and I nodded.

“Isn’t that Hee Chul from Super Junior,” I heard Ryan say as we walked off.

“Are you okay?” Hee Chul asked me as soon as we reached the bus.

“I’m fine,” I replied.

“Who was that? Why did you look so upset?”

“Did I look upset?” I asked him as I touched my face; only then did I realize there were tears.

“You’re crying,” he said.

“That was my best friend, and my ex-boyfriend.”

“I see,” he said. I didn’t even need to tell him and he’d gotten the whole picture.

“I thought I was over him the moment I got together with Han Kyung, but I guess no matter how long it has been over, a past relationship can always come back to hurt you.”

“It’s his lost. You have Han Kyung now, and you have us who care for you. Forget them,” he said as he put a hand on my shoulder.

“I plan to,” I smiled. “I’m never looking back ever again.”

“Good girl,” he smiled, and he gave me a quick, brotherly hug before we went back on the bus.

It was past 12am when we finally got onto the plane, we took off a little past 1am, and I was actually relieved to be on my way back to Seoul; back to my current life. Halfway through the flight, one of their managers motioned for me to join him.

“I need to talk to you, Sierra,” he said as he motioned for me to sit in the empty seat beside him.

“Anything wrong, oppa?” I said.

“Something has come to my attention. Something between you and a certain member of the band,” he said.

Damn! Has he found out about Han Kyung and me?

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said cautiously.

“Let me put this plainly,” he said. “Either you stop seeing Hee Chul, or I will report this to the management and have you dismissed.”

I stared at the manager and I didn’t know whether to laugh or to be worried. Where did he get that idea?

“Oppa… I think you’ve misunderstood my relationship with Hee Chul. He’s just an artiste I train and a friend when we’re not training.”

“Whatever your definition, I want you to stay away from him,” he said.

“I’m still training Super Junior. I hardly see how I can stay away from him.”

“When you’re not training, stay away from him.”

“You can’t control our lives like that. We’re all humans… social interaction is a normal activity.”

“I will have you dismissed if you do not comply with my instructions. In the first place, I could never understand how Bum Su could’ve chosen you as his replacement.”

“Obviously he saw something in me that you don’t.”

“Perhaps… stay away from Hee Chul. You hear me?”

“Arasoyo,” I said as I got up and walked back to my seat.

When I told Hee Chul about the incident with his manager, he agreed that we needed to keep some distance.

“I was worried that he would find out about you and Han Kyung,” he’d told me. “I’d kinda relieved that he thinks it’s me.”

“But I’m gonna get you in trouble.”

“It’ll be fine. We just need to keep away from each other. I think we looked too close to be friends, so his alarm bells went off. He’s always so… excessive. He overreacts a lot.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

Since then, Hee Chul and I only spoke when in a group. We stopped having our little private conversations away from the group and we didn’t even dare sit together when eating. Only when on outings, out of the manager’s eyes did we dare mingle. I told Han Kyung about it too, and all he could do was sigh and shake his head.

“The manager’s a little kooky sometimes,” Han Kyung said. “He must think you might ruin Hee Chul’s popularity if people think he has a girlfriend.”

“Does he honestly think that no one ever suspects that any of you have girlfriends?”

“He likes imagining that we don’t,” Han Kyung laughed. “Bie dan xin,” he said as he put an arm around me and pulled me close for a quick hug. “He won’t find us out.”

“What if he does? He’s going to put two and two together, and what if he thinks you had a hand in bringing me here since you knew me from back at the academy.”

“That’s ridiculous. I didn’t have that kind of power back then and neither do I have it now.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I smiled. “You’re like a local hero in China now. Think you’re not powerful?”

Han Kyung looked at me and I realized he was actually uncertain. Did he really underestimate his newfound fame? Then I remembered that this was how he is. Han Kyung would never imagine himself as the king of the world.

Despite their rising success after their appearance in Malaysia, Super Junior had tougher challenges in store for them. When we got back to Seoul, tragedies struck, one by one. Dong Hae’s father passed away, and we were all as grief stricken as he was. He’d been sick for sometime, and it had really affected Dong Hae’s spirits the whole time. But somehow, when on stage, he manages to put it aside and do his job. We’d been watching him with great concern all this time, and even though his father’s death wasn’t totally unexpected, it was still a shock to all of us.

“Himnae,” I said to him before he left for his hometown, and he nodded wordlessly.

“We’re here for you when you get back,” Si Won said as he gave Dong Hae a brotherly hug.

Practices were postponed so that most of us could attend the funeral. The crowd waiting outside was crazy. There were fans all over waiting to catch a glimpse of the celebrities attending the funeral and some even came up to ask for autographs.

“How can they be so disrespectful at a funeral?” Hee Chul said angrily.

“I know… I’m really shocked myself,” I said. “And those anti fans…” I sighed.

A group of anti-fans had appeared to create trouble, and that was really the most absurd and disrespectful thing I’ve ever seen. Did they think they were gangsters or something? Even gangsters had more respect for the dead.

We headed back to Seoul after the funeral, and Hee Chul was driving alone because he had somewhere else to go; that was when the 2nd unfortunate incident happened. Hee Chul was involved in a car accident. We were all shocked speechless when we heard the news.

All activities for Hee Chul were postponed. The doctor had ordered him to rest for at least 2 months. He was attempting to switch lanes when his tires malfunctioned, and fractured his femur when his car crashed. The good thing was that Super Junior Full House’s shoots had wrapped up and the bad news was that Hee Chul had to end his participation in Rainbow Romance, the drama he and Ki Bum was involved in.

When Super Junior went to Thailand as guest stars for the TVXQ concert, I volunteered to stay with Hee Chul since I knew he would be lonely.

“You should go with them,” Hee Chul said. “They need you… especially Han Kyung.”

“No they don’t,” I said. “They’ll be fine.”

“I’m a big boy,” he said.

“And that’s why I have to be here,” I smiled slyly. “You’re not man enough to be alone.”

“Aisshii…” he exclaimed, and laughed.

The night before they left, Han Kyung came to my apartment to spend the night.

“Take care of yourself,” he said.

“Araso,” I replied.

“And take care of that crazy boy,” he smiled.

“I will.”

Han Kyung had always told me stories of how Hee Chul scared him when he first came. He thought Hee Chul was off-the-rocker, and a certified loon, until he got to know him better. Si Won might be his best friend, but Hee Chul had been a brother to him as well.

I was there to see them off on the day they left.

“Bye guys,” I said as I went around patting their backs and giving them quick hugs.

Whenever we’re out of the public eye, we were much more affectionate than this, but because of the fans and their manager, they could only exercise that sort of affection between each other, and never with me, in public.

“Sure you don’t wanna come?” Ki Bum asked me.

“You guys will be fine,” I smiled. “You have Shin Dong and he’s ten times better than me.”

“Come on, nuna,” Shin Dong said. “You’re as good as me if not better.”

“Yea,” Eun Hyuk said. “Don’t let him get big-headed. He’s big enough,” he laughed.

“Be nice,” I told Eun Hyuk, and he gave me a sad face.

“I’ll see you guys in a few days,” I smiled.

I watched them walk into the immigration area before I walked off on my own. As I approached the door, a hand grabbed onto my shoulders and I turned around to find one of the managers behind me, the same manager who’d told me off about Hee Chul on the plane back from Kuala Lumpur.

“We need to talk, Sierra,” he said.

“I have nothing to say to you,” I said as I tried to brush him off.

“If you don’t come with me now, I’ll have you dismissed immediately, and you won’t even get to say goodbye to the boys.”

I stared at him, and yes, I’m always staring at him. What was this weirdo up to? What did he want now? I sighed and nodded, since I had no other option. He turned around and started walking, expecting me to follow. This doesn’t look like it’s headed to a happy ending for me.

Chinese Notes

Bie dan xin.
Don’t worry.