Chapter 17

Han Kyung and I didn’t speak for the longest time; a few weeks to be exact. We went about our training sessions like strangers. I’d see them each day, and the rest of the guys were still friendly and all, but Han Kyung would be distant, coming in on the dot for the session and leaving as soon as it ends.

I had no idea what went on in his mind. When I asked Hee Chul, all he could say was that we needed to give Han Kyung time to calm down. 2 weeks after our quarrel, Han Kyung, together with Si Won, did the unthinkable.

“Yah!” Sung Min yelled as he ran into the dance studio.

“Waegeurae?” Ee Teuk said as he rubbed his ears. “You almost ruptured my eardrums.”

“Come quick,” he said. “Han Kyung and Si Won are arguing with manager hyung.”

“Which one?” Shin Dong asked.

“Who else? The maniac,” he said and out he ran again.

The rest of the guys followed and we came to the fire exit.

“They’re in there,” Sung Min said as he pointed to the door.

“We know… we can hear them,” Eun Hyuk smirked.

All 12 of us stood outside and listened to the exchange between the 3 of them.

“You can’t do this, hyung,” Si Won said.

“You boys should really mind your own business,” the manager said. “You’re lucky you’re not gonna get deported anymore, Han Kyung. If your popularity hadn’t improved, you’d end up like Sierra.”

“If she goes, I go,” Han Kyung said.

“And how are you gonna cough up the money? You signed a contract with SM. Remember?”

“Hyung… Sierra has no relationship with Hee Chul hyung. You’ve got it all wrong,” Si Won said.

“Stop defending her… it’s so obvious. They’re always together, and someone also reported to me that she was dating one of you. Who could it be? Unless it’s actually you, Si Won,” he sneered.

“What if it’s me?” Si Won said.

“Same ending for her; she’ll be deported,” he said, and the two of them became silent. “Get back to your training. The MKMF is in less than 2 months, and you have so much to do. If I hear another word from any of you, I’ll have her sent back to China immediately.”

As soon as he finished his sentence, the manager walked out of the exit, and all of us made way for him.

“Heard everything, didn’t you?” he looked at all of us. “Get back to your practice session before I report all of this to the management.”

“I wanna…” Kang In raised his arms, ready to charge at him, but Dong Hae held him back.

“What are we gonna do?” Sung Min asked.

“What can we do when there is actually some truth in the accusations,” Ee Teuk sighed.

“What?” Kyu Hyun exclaimed. We’d almost forgotten than he was still in the dark about my relationship with Han Kyung.

“Sorry for not telling you earlier,” Han Kyung said as he came to stand beside me. “Sierra and I have been dating for a long time; even before you joined Super Junior.”

“Why doesn’t anyone tell me anything?” Kyu Hyun exclaimed.

“Because we’re not allowed to, and we didn’t want to burden you,” Ki Bum said.

“Yah… I’m a member too!” Kyu Hyun protested.

“Araso… araso…” Shin Dong laughed and put an arm around Kyu Hyun. “We’ll let you in on the secrets from now on.

“I need to talk to you,” Han Kyung said to me, and I just nodded and followed him as he walked away from the group.

We found an empty studio and went inside. I turned on the lights, and Han Kyung locked the door. I looked at him and he looked at me, then he suddenly rushed forward, picked up a chair and threw it to the far end of the room.

“Han Kyung!” I exclaimed.

I’d jumped in shock when he did that. It was a side of him I’ve never seen. He knelt down on the spot where he was standing and started pounding on the floor.

“Wei shen me?” he shouted.

“Han Kyung,” I called out and I rushed forward and grabbed his hands. “Bu yao zhe yang,” I said, and I started to cry.

All the tears that I’ve been hiding from him were unleashed today. I couldn’t keep my feelings to myself anymore. I was trying to be brave whilst waiting for an alternative, a solution to our situation.

“Bu yao ku,” he said as he pulled me into his arms.

“I didn’t want this to happen,” I sobbed against his chest.

We were both sitting on the floor, both his arms around me, and mine around his waist as I cried.
“I know… I know…” he said.

“We can’t both sacrifice ourselves,” I said. “You can’t let that crazy man know we’re together. Your standing in the band could be affected. You don’t know what will happen.”

“And I’m supposed to just watch you leave me again?”

“I’ll come back. I promise,” I said. “We’ll find a way. I just can’t be in SM. Promise me you won’t try anything without first talking to me. Da ying wo!”

“Hao… wo da ying ni,” he sighed and we tightened our arms around each other.

After that, we never talked about my impending departure anymore. We spent as much time as we could together, and we went about it as discreet was we could so that we didn’t arouse the manager’s suspicion. The weeks flew by, and soon, it was November. In another 2 weeks, I’ll be leaving Seoul, and going back to Beijing. I’d thought that I would at least have a proper farewell with the guys, but it was not to be.

“Here,” their manager said as he tossed me an envelope.

He’d asked to see me and I’d been wondering what he was up to.

“Igot mwoya?” I asked him.

“Your plane ticket and the rest of your salary. You can count it if you want to,” he said.

“I thought I had 2 more weeks?”

“I’d decided that you need to go now. You have a problem with that?”

“Can I at least say goodbye to the guys?” I asked him.

“No, but you can write them a nice letter. I’ll help,” he said as he tossed me a pen and a piece of paper.

“I want to see them,” I said.

“You’ll write the letter now,” he said, and just then two men walked into the room.

“What’s this?” I asked him.

“They’re here to persuade you,” he said.

“You’re not gonna get away with this,” I said.

“Watch me,” he smiled sinisterly. “Now start writing… Dear Guys…” he said.

The two men came to stand beside me. One of them picked up the paper and pen and put them right in front of me, and the other… he pulled out a knife.

“Don’t keep me waiting,” he said, and I had no choice, but to pick up the pen and start writing.

In the letter, I’d been forced to write that I’ve received a job offer back in China, and I had to leave immediately… that very night, to be precise. I was also forced to sign a resignation letter he’d typed after writing the letter.

“I will be sure the boys get it tomorrow morning,” he said. “Have a great night… your last night here in Seoul. Your escorts here will make sure you’re packed and ready to leave on the last flight tonight. Whatever you can’t bring with you, I will be sure they are sent to you. If you try anything funny, an accident might happen to you.”

The two men watched as I packed that night, and I didn’t even have a minute to call anyone to tell them I was leaving. Would they guess what had happened? Would Han Kyung understand?

I cried throughout the flight back to Beijing, and the stewardesses and the passenger next to me were baffled. They probably thought that I was hysterical, but I didn’t care. I was too upset to care.

The moment I got off the plane, I took a taxi straight to Ying Ru’s place. She was still with the academy, but no longer living in the hostel. She wouldn’t be graduating for another year.

“Sierra!” she exclaimed when she opened the door. “What happened?”

“Ying Ru,” I started crying again as I hugged her, and I told her the whole story.

2 weeks later, on November 25th 2006 to be exact, I sat in front of computer with Ying Ru, and we were watching the MKMF on TVAnts.

“Omigod!” Ying Ru yelled. “They won!”

Ee Teuk was the first to give a speech, as the leader, and he was composed as always, while the others cried. Eun Hyuk was crying so much, and Si Won was trying his best to hold back the tears. In the end, he gave in too, and so did Ee Teuk; there were tears in his eyes. Dong Hae dedicated his speech to his father and tears rolled down my cheeks when I heard it, because I knew how much he’d wanted his father to see his achievement. Han Kyung came up to the microphone and he gave a speech in Mandarin. He thanked the judging committee, Lee Soo Man sonsaengnim, the staff at SM, and the fans worldwide, but was cut off because they’d taken too long to make their thank you speeches.

I was so proud of him at that moment, so proud of Super Junior. They’d won Best Newcomer, and their performance that night was almost flawless, just the way we’d wanted it to be during all those practice sessions. I wished that I could’ve stayed on, at least to share that night with them, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

Afraid that I would implicate them, I haven’t been replying any of their emails, but they kept coming. All of them wrote to me, except Han Kyung. I missed him, and I missed my life back in Seoul. Will I ever see them again?

Chinese Notes

Wei shen me?
Why?

Bu yao zhe yang.
Don’t be like this.

Bu yao ku.
Don’t cry.

Da ying wo!
Promise me!

Hao... wo da ying ni.
Alright... I promise (you).