Chapter 7

I watched as Han Geng, snapped out of his state of shock. He bowed a little and greeted me.

“Han Kyung-imnida. Pangapseumnida,” he said.

“So where are you from, nuna?” Dong Hae asked. “You are older than us, aren’t you?” he asked.

“She looks like our age, Dong Hae,” Ki Bum said. “How old are you, Sierra?”

“I’m almost 22,” I smiled.

“Almost?” Ee Teuk asked. “So when’s your birthday?”

“December,” I replied.

“Yah! I’m older than you,” Hee Chul exclaimed.

“So am I,” Ee Teuk said.

“Then I guess the rest of us will have to call you nuna,” Kang In said.

“You haven’t answered my question, nuna,” Dong Hae waved at me.

“What was it?” I asked him.

“Where are you from?”

“The last place I lived in was China. I’m originally from Malaysia.”

“Yah! Han Kyung, China! Did you hear?” Eun Hyuk exclaimed.

“Which part?” Ryeo Wook asked.

“I studied for 5 years in Beijing.”

“Yah! Beijing!” Sung Min exclaimed. “Aren’t you from Beijing too?” he turned to look at Han Geng.

“I’m going to the loo,” Han Geng mumbled and walked out.

“What’s up with him?” Kang In remarked and the rest of them just shrugged.

“Let’s get to work,” I said. “Shin Dong,” I waved him over.

“Yes?’ he asked me.

“I’ll need your help since I’m not familiar with the choreography yet. Bum Su oppa said that you were the one I should refer to.”

“He did?” Shin Dong beamed. “Okay.”

One hour into our training, Han Geng reappeared.

“That was a long toilet break you took,” Sung Min commented.

“I wasn’t feeling well,” Han Geng said.

“Do you want to see a doctor?” Ee Teuk asked him.

“I’m fine,” he said. “Let’s do this.”

We spent another 4 hours perfecting their almost complete routine. They were all accomplished dancers, and Bum Su oppa had pretty much covered everything before his accident. All I had to do was to watch them and make sure they were in sync.

“See you tomorrow, nuna,” Ye Sung smiled as he waved at me.

“Byee…” Hee Chul said as he walked out.

“Bye guys,” I smiled and waved as the rest of them said goodbye and filed out of the studio.

I’d started to pack up the files and CDs when I realized there was someone behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to know it was Han Geng.

“Zui jin hao ma?” he asked me. I turned around to look at him. He didn’t look upset. He actually looked concerned.

“I’m fine,” I replied, and turned around to continue packing.

“Why didn't you tell me that you were coming?” he asked me.

“Xu yao ma?” I asked him. “Do I need to tell you anything when you’ve told me nothing?”

“That’s my fault,” he sighed. “I didn’t think you’d want to know.”

“It was just coincidence that I got a job here. I didn’t even know I would be working for SM until I arrived at the door.”

“I’m not accusing you of anything,” he said.

“You sounded as if I were stalking you. I didn’t even know Super Junior existed until yesterday. And I definitely did not know that you were a member of Super Junior.”

“Dui bu qi,” he said. “I should’ve kept in touch.”

“It’s fine. We’d made a pact to forget each other,” I said dismissively.

“But I have not forgotten,” he said.

“Huh?”

“Did you think I was such a person? That I forgot everything that happened in the past once I had a new life?”

“I didn’t say…”

“You’re implying,” he said.

“Fine. I was.”

“I missed you,” he said.

“I…” I started, then I bit my lip. Should I tell him how I really feel? Wouldn’t it be better to put this behind us now that we had to actually work together?

“You what?” he said.

“Nothing,” I said. “I need to go,” I said as I picked up my bag.

“Wait,” he said, and he grabbed my hand as I was about to walk away.

“Han Geng, or is it Han Kyung now?” I said. “I’m your trainer now. And that was the past. We need to focus on our careers now. I don’t want our past to mess up our futures.”

“Why should it mess up our futures?” he asked me. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for you to appear here, in front of me?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, not looking at him.

“I went back to Beijing a few months back, and I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“I’d graduated. You forgot?”

“I didn’t.”

“And you thought I’d just stay in Beijing and wait for you?” I asked him.

“I’d hoped.”

“Did you think that I had no life? I had to earn a living you know,” I said sternly.

“Don’t get angry now,” he said softly. “You’ll get wrinkles.”

He hadn’t changed. He still said those little things that he knew would quell my anger. He still knew how to push my buttons. I hated how he had such control over me.

“I really need to go,” I said as I tried to push past him.

“Bie zou,” he said, as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. I just stayed in his arms, reliving the sense of familiarity, inhaling his scent, taking comfort in his warmth. All those months of missing him; had they come to an end? Could we get back together just like that?

“Han Geng,” I said, as I tried to push him away.

“Wo bu hui zai rang ni zou,” he said as he hugged me tightly.

“It’s pointless,” I said sadly. “There’s no way we can be together.”

“Wei shen me?” he said fiercely. “Why not? Wo bu guan.”

“You can’t ignore it. It’ll be tough. You’re debuting soon. You think the management is gonna love the fact that you have a girlfriend. You think girls are going to get excited about you when you already have a girlfriend.”

“There are 11 others for them to get excited over.”

“And you’d have lost your value to the company. Why would they still need you in the band?”

“Sierra,” he said pleadingly.

“Bie zai shuo le,” I pleaded in return.

“Wo ai ni,” he said, and he pulled me toward him to kiss me. I felt tears stream down my cheeks as he kissed me. I was so frustrated, and yet I missed him so much. I wanted to just hold on to him and never let go.

“Bie ku,” he said as he kissed my tears away.

“How can I not cry? I’m so frustrated. I’m going mad,” I said as the tears continued flowing.

“I’ll find a way,” he said. “I’ll find a way for us to be together.”

“I don’t want us to lose our jobs,” I said.

“We won’t,” he sighed as he pulled me back into his arms and hugged me tightly. “Just promise me you’ll stay with me from now on.”

“But can you promise that you would stay with me?” I asked him.

“Yes, I promise. I’m still the same Han Geng. Believe me,” he said, and he kissed me again.

“Hyung, we’re leaving!” someone yelled as he walked into the studio. It was Si Won.

Han Geng and I jumped apart in shock, but not in time to avoid letting him see us in each other’s arms.

“Erm…” Han Geng mumbled.

“What’s going on?” Si Won asked as he looked back and forth between the two of us.

I looked at Han Geng wearily and wondered how we were going to explain ourselves to Si Won.

Chinese Notes:

Zui jin hao ma?
How have you been?

Xu yao ma?
Is it necessary?

Dui bu qi.
I’m sorry.

Bie zou.
Don’t go.

Wo bu hui zai rang ni zhou.
I will not let you leave anymore.

Wei shen me?
Why?

Wo bu guan.
I don’t care.

Bie zai shuo le.
Don’t say anymore.

Wo ai ni.
I love you.

Bie ku.
Don’t cry.

Chapter 6

“Sierra-shi, kwaench’ana?” the lady asked me. I must have looked pale or something, from the shock.

“Kwaench’ana,” I smiled. Was this a freaky coincidence, or was it simply fate? I’m about to sign a contract with the same company Han Geng was with. This was too surreal.

5 minutes later, I was sitting in the office of the Recruitment Manager, reading through the contract. It was a 2 year contract, the pay looked good, accommodations were provided and I had 16 days off each year. Medical was covered, so was dental; all in all, a pretty good package. I signed my name on the last page and was presented with another document.

“What’s this for?” I asked the manager.

“It’s a non-disclosure agreement.”

A non-disclosure agreement was an agreement where I’d have to agree to keep all company matters within the company. Company matters such as information of upcoming projects, plans and anything that would harm the company or benefit competitors if I revealed them. I glanced through quickly and signed it. There wasn’t much I could protest anyway. If I didn’t sign it, I wouldn’t get the job; simple as that.

“You’ll be taken to your accommodations,” he said as I got up to leave.

“Kamsahamnida,” I smiled.

“Welcome to the SM family,” he said.

SM had rented a 1 room studio apartment about half an hour away from SM’s offices for me. It was small, cozy and modern. Definitely better than what I was used to back in China. There was a twin sized bed, a wardrobe, a desk, a bar complete with high stools which served as a dining table, a little kitchen area, a bathroom and also a laundry room with a small washing machine. The rent for such an apartment would not be cheap since it came with so many amenities.

“We need to go to the hospital,” the lady said.

“The hospital?”

“The company requires that you undergo a medical examination, and after that, there is someone you need to meet.”

“Can I just have a minute to freshen up, then?” I asked her.

“Sure.”

I quickly unpacked my toiletries and walked into the bathroom. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, combed my hair and reapplied my makeup. As I did all that, I wondered who the person I needed to meet was. Was he in the hospital? I walked out 15 minutes later to find the lady patiently waiting.

“I’m ready,” I said, and we left the apartment.

I had to take a blood test, a urine test and a chest x-ray. All these were part of the basic medical examination. After my x-ray had been taken, the lady led me towards a ward.

“May I know who I’m meeting?” I asked her.

“The trainer you’re replacing,” she replied. I wonder what happened to him.

We walked in and there was a guy sitting up on a bed, with his leg in a cast.

“Bum Su-shi,” the lady said, “This is your replacement, Sierra.”

“Annyeonghaseyo,” I bowed.

“Thanks,” he smiled. “I’ll just take a few minutes to update her,” he said and the lady walked out.

“Erm… what exactly happened to you, Bum Su-shi?” I asked him.

“Just call me oppa,” he smiled. “Skip the formalities.”

“Okay.”

“I was involved in a car accident, and I will not be able to be on my feet for the next 6 months. That’s why SM requested for you so urgently,” he said.

“I see.”

“Here,” he said as he handed me a file.

“What’s this?”

“These are notes of all the training and choreography I’ve done so far,” he said as I flipped through the file. “I’m currently training a 12 member band called Super Junior. You will see them tomorrow. Videos of all the choreography I’ve done are available in the training room. I suggest you take the time to watch them.”

“When will this band debut?”

“In November. You have a tough job ahead of you since you’ll need to choreograph their first video as well.”

“Wow… How do you even know what I can do it? And SM just hired me like that?”

“You came highly recommended,” he smiled.

I walked after the room after he was done briefing me and I collided into a guy’s chest.

“Choesonghamnida,” I said and I stepped aside to let him pass. As I did, I looked up, and I was startled when I saw who it was.

“Sierra?” Han Geng said, as he looked at me questioningly.

I turned and started walking off as fast as I could.

“Sierra!” I heard him call after me, and I broke into a run.

I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t ready to see him again, and I couldn’t trust myself to stay calm enough to talk to him. The past year without him was agonizing, and when I saw his face, I felt my heart aching. It just sort of stopped and then it started aching. I thought I’d gotten over him. I thought the pain had dulled inside me, but it hadn’t. The memories of us came rushing back to me, and I felt consumed and suffocated.

That night, I lay awake and stared into the darkness of my room. I was nervous about tomorrow’s training session with the band. At the same time, I was still thinking of Han Geng. His expression on his face earlier at the hospital mirrored mine. He was as shocked as I am. What was he doing there?

Fatigue finally got the better of me, and I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning to the incessant ringing of my alarm. It took me a moment to remember that I was now in Korea. I stretched slowly in bed and rolled off onto the floor. In about an hour, I will be meeting Super Junior. I wonder if they’d accept me.

I stood in the training room nervously, while waiting for Super Junior to arrive. At about 9am, they started filing in. They were all taller than me, I cringed. How was I going to manage them?

“Omo!” a very slim and pretty guy exclaimed as he rubbed his eyes. “Hyung,” he nudged one of them. “Is that a girl? We have a girl trainer?”

“Don’t be rude, Hee Chul,” the guy said. “Annyeonghaseyo, Ee Teuk-imnida,” he bowed.

“I’m Hee Chul,” the pretty one said.

And soon all of them started introducing themselves; Kang In, Sung Min, Eun Hyuk, Ye Sung, Ki Bum, Ryeo Wook, Dong Hae, Si Won and Shin Dong. Bum Su oppa had told me to work closely with Shin Dong, since he had the most choreography inputs.

“Naneun Sierra-imnida, pangapseumnida. I will be your trainer and choreographer until Bum Su oppa is fit enough to rejoin us.”

As the guys whooped and cheered, I counted the number of the members present. There was one missing.

“Is there someone who isn’t here yet?” I asked.

“That would be Han Kyung,” Si Won said. “He’s running a little late today.”

“There he is,” Dong Hae exclaimed as a tall, slim figure walked in.

“Mian…” he said as he walked in, then he froze. I was frozen when I saw him too. Han Kyung turned out to be Han Geng, my Han Geng, from Beijing. No wonder the name had sounded familiar.

“Ah… she got to you too, didn’t she,” Hee Chul laughed and patted Han Geng on the back. “Pardon him, Sierra. He’s obviously never seen a pretty girl before.”

“Sierra?” Han Geng repeated.

“Nae, Sierra-imnida,” I said in as neutral a tone as I could muster. “Nice to meet you, Han Kyung.”

Chapter 5

It’s been a more than year since Han Geng left, and I’ve recently graduated from the academy. For the past few months, I’ve been working with various entertainment companies in Shanghai as a freelance choreographer. Turned out the dean was right, as always. I was a better choreographer than I was a dancer. With my academic record, the recommendation from the academy and being a graduate from the academy, it wasn’t that hard to get a job. But the icing on the whole cake was the job I’d just landed. I’m finally going to Korea.

I’ve been contacted by a recruitment agency in Korea and I’ve been requested to join their client’s company as a full time trainer and choreographer. Their client, whose name they’d yet to disclose, was one of the largest entertainment companies in Korea. I was to fly to Korea, at their expense, to sign the employment contract.

“Is this Sierra-shi?” a lady speaking English with a heavy Korean accent had called.

“Yes, this is she.”

“I’m calling regarding your application to our agency.”

“I see.”

“Our client is interested in hiring you. When are you able to come to Korea to sign the contract?”

When I first received the call, I thought that someone was pulling my leg. Am I really that lucky? I’m going to Korea! According to the recruitment agency, I was selected because I’d studied the Korean language at the academy, and it was important for the trainer to know how to speak Korean. To be honest, I don’t think my Korean was that good. I hope they don’t send me back when they realize that I can’t really speak the language.

After I’d hung up the phone, a single thought crossed my mind; would I be able to meet Han Geng? We’d not called each other or even sent each other letters or emails since he left for Korea. But the last time he changed his mobile phone number, he dropped me a text message to inform me of his new number. I guess we just didn’t trust ourselves to speak. We didn’t want to talk about our lives, because they were no longer connected. But the fact that he’d left me with his number showed that he was still waiting for me to go to Korea. It’s been more than 6 months since I received that text message. Would he still be waiting for me?

For weeks, after he’d left, I felt like a zombie. I’d thought that I would just learn to get over him once he wasn’t there, but no such luck. Everything reminded me of him. The academy, the alleys we’d walked together, the hostel, the dining hall, no matter where I went, I was assaulted by memories of him. I spent each night crying myself to sleep, to the point that Dou Dou finally lost patience with me, and forced me to snap out of my emotional breakdown.

“You can’t keep acting like this Sierra,” she scolded me one night.

“Leave me alone,” I said as I turned away from her.

“You’re a wreck now. How do you intend to graduate when you’re behaving like this? And if you never graduate, how do you think you’re ever going to see him again? Did you think he’d come back for you?”

I spent the whole night thinking about what she’d said, and she was right. The only way we would ever have a chance to meet again was if I did well at the academy. Even if I’m not doing it for him, I need to do this for myself. I need to get back on track. From the next day onwards, I threw myself into my training, into my classes at the academy, and I ended up not just passing, but with honours.

I’m at the Shanghai Pudong International Airport now, sitting in the waiting room at the departure gate, waiting to board my flight. I flipped open my wallet and traced my index finger over the worn out photo stickers in my wallet. We’d taken the photos together on one of our outings at the mall.

“Let’s take some photos,” Han Geng said as he dragged me toward the machine.

“Bu yao. They always turn out faded and ugly,” I protested.

“This machine looks new,” he said.

“And everyone would’ve thought the same thing and rushed to use it. Let’s not waste our money.”

“Come on, Sierra. I’ll pay,” he said.

“Bu yao,” I pouted.

“Yi chi, zui hou yi chi. If they turn out bad, I’ll burn them and I’ll never ask for you to have photo stickers taken ever again.”

“Zhen de?” I eyed him as he nodded.

“Wo bu hui pian ni de,” he smiled.

“Hao ba,” I sighed as we walked towards the machine.

The photos turned out great, and I was forced to eat my words. I made him keep those photos where he’d made weird faces, while I kept the nicer ones.

An announcement that the plane was ready to be boarded woke me up from my reminiscing. As I was closing my wallet, a slip of paper fell out. It was a photo of him, walking down the catwalk during his debut in May, 2005, about a month ago. Before he’d left, he’d grown out his hair, and it seemed that they’d let him keep it that way. It was even longer now, and they’d made it look edgy. He looked so different from the boy I used to know. He was now more of a man. Ying Ru was the one who found the picture on the internet and printed it out for me.

“Look at him now!” Ying Ru said as she handed me the photo she met me for lunch one day. It was printed on a piece of A4-sized paper.

I took the paper from her and stared at it. It was him, but a whole new him. I walked away wordlessly, holding the paper at my side.

“Wait up,” she yelled as she chased after me. “Sierra,” she said worriedly, “you’re still not over him?”

I didn’t reply.

“I shouldn’t have showed you his picture,” she sighed.

“It’s fine,” I replied. “I just have nothing to say about it. I’m fine.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “So what are we eating?”

When I got home, I cut it out and put it in my wallet. I felt somewhat like a fan, like some stalker, but I didn’t care. He was just a memory for me, and I had a right to keep my memories right where I want them to be.

As the flight took off, I silently bid China farewell. It had been my home for the past 5, 6 years, and I was now about to build a new home in Korea. Someday, maybe someday, I’ll come back. When I do, Yi He Yuan, the place where memories of happiness and romance will always greet me, will be the first place I visit.

5 hours later, I’m walking out into the arrival hall at Seoul’s Incheon International Airport, touching my hair consciously. After years of having only long hair, I’d recently cut it short, really short. We were advised to have long hair back at the academy since it was easy to style and adapt to whatever role we were dancing.

“Why won’t you cut your hair short?” Han Geng once asked me when he saw me eying the photos of some short-haired models.

“You know why,” I sighed.

“Who cares? Just cut it,” he said. “I think you’d look good with short hair. You’d probably look more dangerous than you are now,” he winked.

“Zhen de ma?” I asked him.

“Zhen de,” he smiled.

“Then I’ll cut it when I graduate from the academy.”

I’d taken his word for it, and cut my hair as I’ve planned with him. He was right. I looked better now. I preferred my new look to the old one. Who knew a haircut cut bring me a whole new personality.

I looked around among the groups of people who were crowding at the arrival hall. The company had informed me that they would send a person to collect me and found a lady holding a sign with my name on it, in Korean. Thank god that I could at least read my own name.

“Sierra-shi?” she said inquiringly as I walked towards her.

“Nae. Choneun Sierra-imnida,” I said.

“Come with me, please,” she said as she led me out of the arrival hall to a car waiting for us.

After a long drive, we arrived in what I would consider a business district; tall buildings and luxury stores on my left and right. Seoul was pretty much like Shanghai; skyscrapers, big department stores and the likes. The only difference was that there weren’t huge packs of bicycles and motorcycles on the roads. We finally pulled up at a big yellow building, which was the client’s offices, I was told. As I got off and stood up, looking at the sign on the building, I almost fell over in shock. The sign said: SM Entertainment.

Chinese Notes:

Bu yao.
Don’t want.

Yi chi, zui hou yi chi.
Just once, this is the last time.

Zhen de?
Really?

Wo bu hui pian ni de.
I wouldn’t lie to you.

Hao ba.
Fine.

Chapter 4

“Get a grip of yourself,” my instructor said sternly. “Did you really think that you will end up in the same company when you graduated? Did you think that you’d stay together always?” I shook my head sadly, as I continued sobbing. “We’re performers, Sierra. We don’t have a choice of where we get to go. We go where we are wanted.”

“Come on, Sierra. Get up,” Ying Ru said softly as she helped me up.

“This is why we’ve never approved of you kids dating,” my instructor added.

I dried my tears and we continued with the class. This time, I tried my hardest to focus on dancing. My instructor was right. Did I really think Han Geng and I would just live in Beijing forever? And if we were bound to part, would we end up like him and Xin Yi?

He was waiting for me like he always did when my last class ended. I walked out until I stood in front of him, and I looked up at his face, not wanting to say a word. My head only came up to his shoulders, since he was about 6 feet. I’ve always loved the fact that he was so much taller, that I could lie against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. But today, it felt tiring to look up at him.

“Zou ba,” he said as he turned and started walking.

We walked out of the school gates and along the alleys we’d usually take. We walked side by side, not even wanting to hold hands. We were both worried. Worried about what the future held for us now. Halfway back to the hostel, he stopped walking and stood there, looking at the ground. Only now did I notice that a single tear had rolled down his cheek.

“Bu yao ku,” I whispered as I reached my hand out to wipe the tear away. He caught my hand and held it to his face as I did. “Han Geng. I’m not crying. You have no reason to cry,” I said. He pulled me into his embrace and held me tight.

“Wo ai ni,” he said, and that did it for me. I started sobbing against his chest.

I’d finally stopped crying and we were sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall.

“I’m not leaving so soon,” he said. “It could be another 2 years before I actually go to Korea.”

“What do we do about us?” I asked him.

“I don't know. Can’t we just stay as we are now?”

“And when you leave, how do you plan to keep this relationship going?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed.

I leaned over, until my head rested on his shoulder. He put one arm around me, and the other came to push my hair away from my face.

“Fine,” I said.

“What do you mean by fine?”

“Let’s just stay the way we are until you need to leave. After that, let’s just forget each other.”

“You want that?”

“I don’t see how we can keep this up when you leave for Korea. You’ll be too busy for me and it will only end up souring our relationship if we try too hard to do the impossible.”

“Come with me,” he said.

“If only I could.”

“When I’ve established myself there, I will get a job for you. Then you can come join me,” he said.

“You do that,” I smiled sadly, knowing that it was an empty promise, that it would be the end of us when he left for Korea. Even though I know that he’d meant it with all his heart, it was something that was out of his control. It will never happen.

That weekend, we went to Yi He Yuan. We spent the day walking, taking pictures on the Marble Boat, climbing up the Tower of Buddhist Incense and at the end of the day; we ate ice cream while standing on the Seventeen-Arch Bridge. He put one arm around me as we ate silently. I looked around at the water under the bridge, the trees that were slowly turning bare. Autumn seemed like a sad season, but it always looked beautiful. I guess there is beauty is sadness too. Though it seems like such an odd notion.

“Years from now, do you think you’d wanna come back here?” I asked him.

“Where?”

“To Yi He Yuan.”

“Maybe.”

“Why?”

“Huh? You asked me a question, I answered, and you’re asking me why?”

“Yea, why would you come back here?”

He was silent for a moment, and then he spoke.

“Because it would remind me of you,” he said, as he tightened his arm around me.

“Same here,” I said, as I leaned against him.

“Maybe we should come back here someday,” he said.

“What? When we’re 60?” I laughed.

“I’ll let you know,” he said. “Definitely sooner, cos I don’t think I’d be able to come when I’m 60. I’d probably need a wheelchair then.”

“Yea, I forgot that we were dancers. Our legs are bound to give out someday,” I laughed softly, and then we were silent again.

“Sierra,” Han Geng whispered.

“Hmm?” I said as I turned to look up at him. He leaned down and kissed me. We kissed gently and languorously, taking our time and not caring who would walk past. He lips tasted of chocolate and ice cream and mine probably did too. I licked my lips as we pulled away. They felt a little sticky from the ice cream I ate earlier.

“Hao chi ma?” he winked and I laughed.

“Hao chi,” I said.

“Hai yao ma?” he asked. I nodded, and he leaned back in to kiss me again.

There were laughter and smiles today, but we’d avoided talking about anything serious. From now on, we’re going to enjoy every moment we had together. As painful as it is and knowing that he would leave in a few years, we wanted only happy memories of our time together.

It was late 2003, and I’m standing in the departure hall at the Beijing Capital International Airport with Han Geng. He was finally leaving for Korea. I stood in front of him, looking at the ground. I didn’t want to look up because I was trying really hard to control my emotions. If I looked up at him, I’d probably start bawling.

“Sierra,” he said and I just nodded, still looking down. “Kan zhe wo,” he said as his hand came to tilt my head up.

A few tears rolled down my cheeks, and he sighed as he wiped them away with his thumb. He pulled me towards him and hugged me as I cried silently against him. He stroked my hair gently, waiting for my tears to subside. After a few minutes, I finally got a hold of myself and I looked up at him. He had tears in his eyes too. I reached my hand up and trailed my fingers down his cheek.

“Take care of yourself,” he said.

“You too,” I replied.

“I will,” he smiled.

“Don’t forget me,” I said.

“I won’t. I’ll never forget. Wo ai ni…”

“You should start saying ‘saranghae’ instead of ‘wo ai ni’, now that you’re going to Korea,” I attempted to joke.

“No,” he smiled. “With you, no matter where I am, it will always be ‘wo ai ni’. Whenever I say it to you in Chinese, it always comes from my heart. It’s who I am. I’m Chinese.”

“Okay,” I smiled. “No need for a big patriotic speech.”

“I’m serious,” he said.

“I know,” I smiled.

“I’ll see you in Korea,” he said.

“Let’s hope,” I said, and he leaned down and kissed me. The kiss went on for a long time, our last kiss. Who knows when we will meet again?

I watched him walk into the gates, and I waved when he turned back to wave at me.

“Wo ai ni…” I mouthed and he smiled.

I watched until he’d disappeared behind the gates before I started walking away. On my way to catch the bus, my phone beeped. I took my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through the menu to open my Inbox. It was a text message from Han Geng.

Wo hui yong yuan ai ni…

I stared my phone for the longest time. Forever… he said he’d love me forever. Did forever really exist? I held my phone up to my lips and kissed the screen. I would treasure our memories forever. Even though there is the possibility of him forgetting me. I would always be grateful for the day I met him.

Chinese Notes:

Zou ba.
Let’s go.

Bu yao ku.
Don’t cry.

Hao chi ma?
Is it delicious?

Hao chi.
It’s delicious.

Hai yao ma?
Want more?

Kan zhe wo.
Look at me.

Wo hui yong yuan ai ni.
I will love you forever.

Chapter 3

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me closed as he kissed me. I’d intended to just stay there and try not to reciprocate, but I couldn’t control myself. Seeing him every day and being with him every day had made me realize that I had feelings for him too. I wrapped my arms around his neck as the kiss went on, the pain in my ankle forgotten… my boyfriend back home, forgotten. We pulled apart after awhile, panting. It was almost the end of summer, and it was still a little warm since it was about 5pm.

“Han Geng,” I said, my voice coming out in little gasps.

“Don’t say a word. I don’t want to hear anything about that boyfriend of yours.”

“I wasn’t going to talk about him.”

“Then what were you going to say?”

“I…” I paused. I’d almost admitted to him that I loved him. Was it the right time? Was it too soon?

“What is it?”

“That was my first kiss,” I said softly and that was the truth. During the 6 months with my boyfriend, we’d never kissed. We just held hands. And here was Han Geng, who wasn’t even my boyfriend yet, kissing me. But I had to give him credit for it. He’d made my first kiss unforgettable.

“What?” he said, looking a little surprised.

“You’ve stolen my first kiss,” I smiled.

“How old are you?” he asked me.

“16.”

“Same age as me?”

“I’m almost 17. I was born in 1983, in December. So technically, we’re almost the same age.”

“You’re a pig?” he smiled.

“What pig?”

“You’re born on the year of the pig.”

“You’re a rat!” I said and he laughed.

“I can’t believe that this was your first kiss,” he said.

“Why?”

“Cos you’re so beautiful. How did your boyfriend keep his hands off you?”

“Well, cos he’s not a rat.”

“That hurt,” he said as he pouted.

“Sorry,” I smiled. “You’re a good kisser for a rat,” and he grinned at me.

“Is your ankle fine now?” he asked and I was reminded of the dull ache in my ankles.

“No,” I said.

“Come on,” he said as he indicated for me to get back on his back. “Let’s go.”

“What do we do now?” I said as he walked on towards our hostel.

“You need to pick, Sierra,” he said. “Me or him.”

“I need time,” I said as I sighed as I lay my head on his back.

“I’ll wait for you,” he said.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“But don’t make me wait too long,” he added.

“I won’t.”

That night, after Han Geng had bandaged my feet for me and left, I decided to call my boyfriend back home, or soon to be ex-boyfriend. He answered after 3 rings.

“It’s me,” I said.

“Hey,” he replied. He sounded distracted. “What’s up?”

“I’ve met someone,” I said after pausing for a moment. I felt that I needed to get straight to the point. No point beating around the bush when the outcome will ultimately lead to the same thing.

“I thought you would,” he said. “Anyway, so have I.”

“Then I guess we’re even,” I said. His tone was emotionless and cold. It wouldn’t have done me any good to get emotional over this.

“Yea, we are,” was his reply.

“Take care, then,” I said.

“You too,” he said.

“Bye.”

“Bye,” he replied and I hung up.

So he’d found someone even before I’d acknowledged my feelings for Han Geng. I felt a little disappointed, but then again, I was grateful that it ended up a clean break and that I am now free. I picked up my phone again and texted Han Geng.

I’m yours now.

Less than 1 minute later, I received a reply.

And I’m yours… Wo ai ni…

And that was how it all began.

It’s autumn now, more than a year since I’ve arrived in Beijing. Han Geng and I walked to class hand in hand, sharing a thick woolen scarf.

“Where do you want to go this weekend?” Han Geng asked me as he put his arm around me.

“Do you have time, Mr. Principal Dancer,” I teased.

Han Geng had been awarded the principal role in an upcoming dance recital. He was really happy about his achievement and I had been teasing him endlessly about it. While he majored in Chinese folk dance, I’d changed my major from Modern Dance to Choreography at the advice of the dean after receiving reports from my instructors. It seems that I was unable to keep up as well as I'd been expected to and they’d decided I would fare better doing choreography. However, majoring in choreography did not mean that I didn’t need to know how to dance. The only difference was that the focus was now on creating steps instead of merely perfecting them.

“For you, I have all the time in the world,” he smiled.

The past one year had been one of the toughest times I’d ever faced. The classes were physically demanding and mentally exhausting. If it wasn’t for Han Geng, and my girlfriends, Ying Ru, Dou Dou and Chui Yun, I think I would’ve cracked. Their support had helped me get through the initial hardships and right now, I’m pretty much as seasoned as they are.

“Let’s go to the Yi He Yuan this weekend,” I said. Yi He Yuan was the famous Summer Palace in Beijing. It’s has beautiful gardens and architecture, and during autumn, it was the perfect spot to take long walks and to relax. Yi He Yuan is also listed in UNESCO’s World Heritage List.

“What’s at Yi He Yuan?” he whined. “We’ve been there are like twice in one year. Us locals don’t visit such places that often. It’s weird.”

“But I like it there. And it’s autumn; the perfect weather to take walks.”

“Fine,” he sighed and he kissed my forehead.

“I’ll buy you an ice-cream when we get there,” I smiled.

“Make that two,” he said.

“Fine,” I laughed.

As we walked in the school gates, we saw a group of our friends crowding near the dean’s office.

“What’s up guys?” Han Geng asked.

“Omigod!” Jia Xiong exclaimed. “Han Geng! They’ve come for you!”

“What?” Han Geng said, confused. “Who’s come for me?”

“SM Entertainment!” Jia Xiong said.

“Didn’t you participate in that H.O.T. CHINA Audition Casting thing?” Zhi Ming asked.

“I did,” Han Geng said.

“Damn! Out of 3000 people, you’ve been selected. You’re so lucky,” Jia Xiong said.

“Does that mean you’re going to Korea?” I asked him.

“I don’t know,” he said. He looked pale. He must be in shock. I know I would be. To be chosen out of 3000 people was no small matter. SM must have really like Han Geng’s performance.

We went to our classes, since it would not do to miss any of them, or we’d be punished. In the middle of my 3rd class of the day, I heard that the representatives from SM were now having a meeting with Han Geng. We’re they going to take him away now? Would they allow him to continue his training here first and bring him to Korea after he’d graduated? I was unable to focus for the entire day, attending my classes and training and dancing purely from the mechanics drilled into me.

“Sierra,” my instructor stopped me, after the 5th time I’d restarted the same routine. “Where’s your heart today?”

“Dui bu qi,” I said.

“Don’t apologise. You don’t even mean it. Is this about Han Geng and the contract SM’s offering him?”

The instructors and teachers knew everything. They didn’t approve of all the dating and relationships that happened in the academy, but they didn’t outlaw it. We’re teenagers, and they’d just resigned to the fact that there was nothing they could do to control it.

The question was the breaking point for me. The fears I’d been blocking out for the entire day surged through my brain. I just sat down on the floor and started sobbing. After a whole year of leaning on him, was Han Geng going to disappear from my life just like that?

Chapter 2

“Han Geng, you klutz,” Dou Dou said as she pulled me away from him.

“Me? A klutz?” he replied. “If you guys weren’t dragging her around like a rag doll, I wouldn’t have bumped into her.”

“Hey you guys, break it up!” Chui Yun said as she tried to pull Dou Dou away.

Already, I can see that Dou Dou was a really loud and strong-willed girl. She didn’t let any nonsense get past her and she certainly didn’t take anything lying down, especially when it came from a guy. Chui Yun was level-headed and smart. She was the one who made sure Dou Dou didn’t end up in the fist fight with everyone who annoyed her.

“I wasn’t watching where I was going, dui bu qi,” I said.

“It’s not your fault, Sierra,” Han Geng said.

“You know her name already?” Dou Dou said. “Boy, you sure work fast.”

“He helped me with my bags at the academy,” I said in Han Geng’s defense.

“I’m sure he did,” Dou Dou retorted. “Let’s go,” she said as she started walking off.

Chui Yun followed and I trailed behind them slowly. Han Geng fell into step beside me as we walked down the stairs.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” he smiled.

“Same here,” I replied.

“Your room mate sure scares me,” he laughed.

“I thought you were able to hold your own against her.”

“I act like I do, but I’m actually afraid of her. She looks like she could bite.”

“And I’m sure her bark is worse than her bite,” I smiled.

“True,” he said wistfully.

We walked into the little dining area on the ground floor. It was a medium sized room with long tables and benches. We had to walk to the counter and collect our boxes of rice. I opened the box to that it was the kind where the food and rice were segregated nicely. The rice occupied the biggest compartment, and then there was a vegetable, meat and some soup. I watched Dou Dou and Chui Yun dig into their rice box with their chopsticks and spoon, they sure had healthy appetites. As I was about to start eating, Han Geng plopped down beside me with his rice box. He opened his box and I saw something that we all didn’t have; an egg, sunny side up.

“Why’s your box special?” I asked him.

“Cos he’s having an affair with the cook,” Dou Dou replied. Han Geng gave her a weary look and turned to smile at me.

“You want some?” he asked as he started to tear off a piece of the egg and held it up with his chopstick and he dropped it into my box before I could answer.

“Xie xie,” I said as I stared at the egg.

“No problem,” he said as he started eating.

This soon became a ritual. We’d have dinner and Han Geng will always come to sit beside me. And he’d always share his egg with me. I found out within the first week that the cook was actually a family friend of his and that’s why he was given special treatment. As the first month progressed, other rituals started establishing themselves. Han Geng would walk me home from the academy, when Dou Dou and Chui Yun finished later than I did. When I finished later than they did, Han Geng would also walk me home. He’d come to me one day and asked for my schedule.

“Why do you want it?”

“I wanna see how busy you are,” he smiled.

“Weird,” I said as I passed him notebook with my schedule written in it.

“I’ll return it to you later,” he said as he walked off.

“Wei!” I shouted at him. “I can’t remember where’s my next class!”

“Block C,” he replied.

After my class, I walked out to find him standing there with my notebook.

“Here,” he said as he handed it to me.

“What did you do with it?”

“I needed time to copy it down,” he said.

“For what?”

“So that I know what time you finish each day.”

“And?”

“So that I can walk you home,” he smiled.

I’d thought that he was joking, until he started showing up almost every day when my class ended. At first, Dou Dou would try to chase him off, but as time went by, she decided to ignore him. When he showed up to walk me home, she’d just walk on ahead with Chui Yun. For the first few weeks, Han Geng and I walked in silence. I didn’t know what to make of his attention. And truth be told, I was still a little hung up on my boyfriend back home. It wasn’t until the day I hurt myself, that I realized what Han Geng’s presence meant to me.

I’d walked out of my last dance class, limping. I had my arm around Ying Ru and she supported me as we walked out of the room.

“What happened?” Han Geng said as he rushed towards us side.

“She sprained her ankle,” Ying Ru explained.

“Come,” he said as he faced his back toward me and went moved into a squatting position.

“Huh?” I said.

“Get on,” he said. “I’ll carry you back home.”

“I can walk,” I said.

“Sierra, don’t worsen your injury by being stubborn,” he said.

“He’s right,” Ying Ru said. “Get on,” she said.

I sighed and climbed onto his back. He stood up and started walking, as if I weighed nothing.

“I’ll carry your bags for you,” Ying Ru volunteered.

“It’s fine,” Han Geng said. “Sierra, can you hold the bags?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said as Ying Ru handed me the bags.

“See you tomorrow,” Ying Ru said as she waved at us.

“Hold on tight,” he said as we walked out of the academy’s gates. “I don’t want you sliding off and breaking your back.”

“Mm…” I said as I tightened my arms around his neck and laid my head on his back. He smelt a little sweaty, but it was a nice smell. It was his smell. I actually felt comfortable enough to fall asleep on his back.

“Does it hurt?” he asked me.

“A little.”

“What happened?”

“My timing was off when I did a jump, and I landed wrongly.”

“You need to be more careful, zi dao ma?” he said.

“Yes, mother,” I laughed.

We walked on in silence and I decided to ask him what’s been burning in my mind for weeks.

“Han Geng,” I said.

“Oh, shen me shi?”

“Why are you so nice to me?” I asked. There… I’ve said it.

He stopped walking and he bent down slowly, indicating for me to get off. As soon as I got off, he turned around and guided me slowly so that I leant against the wall of the building we were walking beside.

“You really want to know?” he asked.

“I want to know,” I said.

“Then can you grant me a wish first. When you’ve granted me that wish, I’ll tell you why.”

“A wish? What is it?”

“Just say if you’re gonna grant me that wish or not.”

“Fine. You can have your wish, whatever it is.”

“Thanks,” he smiled and he leant closer. “I’ve wanted to do this since the day I met you,” he whispered and he kissed me.

It wasn’t a long kiss, but it wasn’t a peck on the lips either. It was a short, sweet kiss which left us both wanting more.

“Wo ai ni,” he said as he pulled away.

“I have a boyfriend,” I said.

“I don’t care. He’s not here,” Han Geng said and he kissed me again.

This time, the kiss went on for longer. I felt guilt, but I also felt the same feelings Han Geng did for me. I think I had liked him all along, and now, hearing him say that he loved me only helped me make up my mind. I think I love him too.

Chinese Notes:

Dui bu qi.
I'm sorry.

Xie xie.
Thank you.

Shen me shi.
What is it?

Wo ai ni.
I love you.